Legion (Scott Stewart, 2010):
Many viewers who witnessed the trailer for the film this past Summer and Fall in theaters were likely reminded of The Prophecy, fans of the Christopher Walken vehicle perhaps wondering if this peculiar flick might be worth a gander. I was one such individual, venturing to the theater upon release in order to satisfy my curiosity. What I walked out with, unfortunately, was a bit short of satisfaction. The premise, for starters, is a bit too generic. Apparently, God has lost his faith in mankind, so he has sent all of the angels down to earth in order to bring about the Apocalypse. One of his angels - Michael (Paul Bettany), however, does not agree with His order to exterminate humanity, so he descends to Earth in order to protect a pregnant woman who is on the brink of giving birth to humanity's only hope for survival.
This is where my qualms with the film begin. While character motivation is explained quite clearly, it is never really apparent why the birth of this one child holds any significance, or why giving birth will stop the angels who are trying to kill the child. If, per chance, the child is born, then why can the angels not simply kill it? How is this supposed to stop the Apocalypse? I may be being a bit too critical of this aspect of the film, as there is some slight form of explanation proffered that stems from the conflict between Michael and a fellow angel, Gabriel (Kevin Durand), which is told through flashbacks of the two conversing in heaven, but it was just not enough for me.
Not long after the film starts, the soon-to-be mother, Charlie (Adrianne Palicki), is holed up in a diner with her father (Dennis Quaid), best friend, Jeep (Lucas Black), a cook and a few customers. Naturally, they all sense that something is amiss when an innocent-enough elderly lady enters the diner and soon turns out to be a rather malevolent demon (or angel, I suppose). Michael shows up soon after the encounter, though, just in time to prep everyone for the onslaught of angels heading towards the diner. Eventually, Gabriel is sent to deal with Michael personally, since a virtually limitless number of angels is not enough to get past him and kill one human. This climax is where the film truly falls apart, resulting in a finale that, while commendable in its content, is atrocious in its execution - the same of which can be said for most of film as a whole. The only thing that really kept me entertained throughout the ordeal was Paul Bettany's performance as Michael - which was outstanding. Maybe if Christopher Walken had somehow reprized his role as Gabriel (not that Kevin Durand performed poorly - quite the opposite actually) and the character had been given more screen time, I might have left the theater satisfied. Sadly, such a luscious fantasy was not to be.
Valentine's Day (Garry Marshall, 2010):
I am not going to exhaust myself in this review by mentioning all of the character names or the actors/actresses that portrayed them. There are far too many, and the trailer makes sure to cue you in as to who they all are. In using the term "star vehicle," this film is a double-decker bus. Set on - you guessed it - Valentine's Day, the viewer follows a ridiculous number of individuals as they go about the holiday. You have one man who has just proposed to his girlfriend, who says yes but seems a bit hesitant; another couple that has been dating for two weeks seems to be connecting, though the female is obviously hiding something as evidenced by the obscene phone calls she keeps having; yet another couple is as happy as could be, probably because the female does not know that her lover is actually married; and finally there is a little boy who is on a mission to get flowers for the girl he loves. That is far from it, though. There are also several supporting characters: a pro football player trying to decide if he is going to retire, his agent who hates Valentine's Day and throws a party on the holiday in condemnation of it every year, a frustrated reporter who also loathes the holiday, a pair of strangers who meet on a flight and hit it off, and at least a half dozen others I am neglecting to mention.
Confused yet? Well it gets even better. All of these individuals are connected to one another in some manner. When the viewer picks up on this fact fairly early in the film, when the first few connections are made, it becomes a predictable mess that the word "cliche" cannot even begin to describe. There are a few surprises, however, that do manage to fall out of expectations, but only because they make absolutely no sense whatsoever (ie. characters whose actions are wholly unnatural). By the time the credits were rolling, I almost had tears in my eyes because I was so glad it was finally over. There is still some enjoyment to be had in movies that are predictable, but not this convoluted mess that takes unoriginality to such absurd extremities. I could go into truly exhausting detail of my extreme distaste with Valentine's Day, but to spare you (and me) of that option, suffice it to say I am baffled that such tripe ever gets green-lit. Coming from the man who gave us Pretty Woman and Overboard, this is truly appalling.
The Wolfman (Joe Johnston, 2010)
Ah, finally! A film that is not atrocious. I had been eagerly awaiting the release of this flick for quite some time, hoping to see a werewolf film that might just be on par with Silver Bullet. While my aspiration was not quite met - in fact I was rather disappointed - that does not necessarily mean that this was a bad movie. The production was top-notch, and the all-star cast performed exceptionally well for the most part (especially Anthony Hopkins and Hugo Weaving, the latter of whom stole the picture). The story is simple enough: set in Blackmoor, England during the late 19th century, stage performer Lawrence Talbot (Benicio Del Toro) returns home after his brother Ben is reported missing. Upon his arrival, his father John (Anthony Hopkins) informs him that Ben's mutilated body has been found. The viewer already knows that a werewolf was responsible since Ben's murder is shown in the opening scene, but Lawrence is not privy to such information so he promises his late brother's fiancee, Gwen Conliffe (Emily Blunt) that he will find out who killed Ben.
Shortly into his investigation, Lawrence encounters the beast that tore his brother apart and is bitten, which leads to his eventually becoming a werewolf himself. There is really nothing else to explain without spoiling the latter portion of the film. An inspector from Scotland Yard, Abberline (Hugo Weaving), suspects that the Talbots are hiding something, as does everyone else in town, but his and the townsfolk's efforts to whittle out the truth do little to prevent the eruption of violence that ensues during the full moon. The transformation Lawrence undergoes is a sight to behold courtesy of modern CGI, though it is a mixed bag as some of the effects are quite bad, but the final result sports some truly impressive cosmetics.
What drags The Wolfman down, though, is its reliance on jump-scares. There is never any moment of real tension or horror; no suspense is ever really built. The only frights to be found come from split-second jolts highlighted by a hammering note of music and a quick flash - usually of violence and/or the werewolf. Moreover, the story seems to drag at times due to so-so exhibition that fails to really establish a sensible relationship between Lawrence and Gwen, making it hard to believe that they actually fall in love with one another. Still, there is a bit of fun to be had here. The performers are lively and pleasant to watch for the most part, and the package rounds out to an almost-solid B-movie. It is just a shame that more could not be done to elevate The Wolfman a bit higher, though I suppose the nature of the tale makes that a bit much to ask for.
In sum, to attribute a letter grade to each film:
Legion: C
Valentine's Day: D-
The Wolfman: B-
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